Good and Bad surprises...

The good surprise...
Well, after my radiation treatment today the nurse said have a good day, and I replied 'You too, see you tomorrow'. She then looked down at the chart and said, 'oh wait; you're all done with your regimen, congratulations!'

huh? I thought I had one more day, Kewl !!! So, we're 17 day's into my treatment adventures and I'm done with one part so far; this actually feels pretty darn good. Both my neck and hip that were treated with radiation seem to be pain free ( and the radiation continues to work for ~30 days... ) and I won't go back to the radiologist until Feb. for a check-up.

The bad surprise ( or, the answer I knew but probably didn't want to hear)...
So, i think this will be the first ( and I'm sure not last) time I will have a downer blog where something knocks be back a bit and explaining or expressing helps me deal...

For the past week or two as my upper back and other symptoms have tapered off i have begun to wake at night with some lower back pain, or abdomen discomfort when sitting up or rolling over. Today I finally discussed these with a nurse in detail (and her first question was, "are you using your medication?" my sheepish answer... "not really, I didn't want to medicate if it was just because of something I ate").

What she explained about my described symptoms were that I was feeling the cancer in my abdomen. wow... silence from me.

I was hoping it was just too many Christmas cookies, candy, or just drug side-effects, but nope.

For the first time I can feel my cancer in my abdomen and I guess in my mind it is the first time I really have to accept it's significance. Previously, I saw MRI scans of my neck that showed the tumor... I never saw a report, chart or anything 'official' that showed me visually there really was cancer in my abdomen so I think maybe I blew it off slightly in my mind, idk.

Maybe I was thinking that hey, I could feel the spine stuff so that must be worse ( and they fixed it with radiation, right?) and the abdomen was just secondary and Chemo would 'just take care of it'. Tonight I'm finding myself in a different frame of thought regarding how and what I am really feeling (physically and emotionally). I wouldn't say that I'm down or happy, just maybe contemplative

Anyway, I now won't hesitate to take the medications they have given me when I do feel things and I'm sure I will be much better off for it. One of the things that I dread (and loath occurring) the most it just taking drugs to mask pain, and then being a lump somewhere on a couch or bed. I most definitely do not want to go there... Better to be movin 'round in pain than curled in a coma. That's just me.

Looking ahead for this week
Not all negative things for tonight :) Tomorrow I'll be headed into work in the morning to get some things done and start working myself back into the J.O.B as best as I can. Friday I have an appointment with the Spine specialist so we can see what he thinks of the treatment so far, and maybe come up with an exercise plan that will keep me active and safe with my spine. I'm looking forward to getting some movement and exercise going; most cancer folks I talk to say it will make a big difference fighting fatigue during chemo.

As always, Keep your prayers and notes coming!
Thanks,
Gavin